I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Women...

The other day I posted that as my status on Facebook.


In reply I got over fifty comments. Many of them were pretty predictable and some of them were horrifically revealing about the folks that posted them, but mixed in were some tasty morsels of pure genius. I can only take complete credit for about a dozen of these, but I’ve still edited together some of my favorites and listed them below for you, dear readers. Enjoy…


I like my coffee like I like my women: Columbian and stuffed in a bag.


I like my coffee like I like my women: full-bodied with a kick.


I like my coffee like I like my women: bitter and smelling strongly of alcohol.


I like my coffee like I like my women: ridden downhill by a guy named Juan and his donkey.


I like my coffee like I like my women: bought cheap down at the corner.


I like my coffee like I like my women: instant.


I like my coffee like I like my women: roasted, ground, and forgotten in the trunk of my car.


I like my coffee like I like my women: raised just for me by a third world village.


I like my coffee like I like my women: hot and wet.


I like my coffee like I like my women: used by thousands of hungover drunks every morning.


I like my coffee like I like my women: strong, but a little messed up.


I like my coffee like I like my women: any way but straight.


I like my coffee like I like my women: strained.


I like my coffee like I like my women: weak and tasteless.


I like my coffee like I like my women: nutty.


I like my coffee like I like my women: expensive.


I like my coffee like I like my women: dripping.


I like my coffee like I like my women: rich with 2% fat.


I like my coffee like I like my women: with two pumps of vanilla.


I like my coffee like I like my women: ground up in the freezer.


I like my coffee like I like my women: sampled from all over the world.


I like my coffee like I like my women: lined up in pretty rows at the supermarket.


I like my coffee like I like my women: two or three times a day and often all night.


I like my coffee like I like my women: in the largest cup size available.


I like my coffee like I like my women: scalding hot and dumped in my lap.