So last month we wrapped up the mad rush to build a bunch of little alien pets to sell at our vendor booth at Neotropolis. The only thing that was missing for the cute little alien pet store was the store itself.
While I could've possibly gotten away with making it work on the cheap with some draping and shelves to replicate an old-world street market or bazaar aesthetic, I really wanted to class it up quite a bit more. I needed something that would pass for a proper brick and mortar storefront.
I'd spent most of the month saying at least once a day, "I should really get started on that storefront build," while also not actually getting started on it every single day. It finally came down to the Thursday of the week before the event when I finally said, "Oh golly, I'm almost out of time."
That's not an exact quote, but you get the idea.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that if you wait until the last minute, it'll only take a minute to get it done. While the other, more vital parts of the project were given plenty of time to come to life and get all the polishing they needed, the storefront would be a much quicker build with the appropriate application of elbow grease and stress sweat.
So around 1pm I got started with a small pile of lumber and a big pile of grit and set to work.
Here's how you make a storefront from scratch in an afternoon...
Step 1: Cut you some wood.
I used 1x3 Douglas Fir for framing lumber. No reason to get too fancy, especially since nobody will ever get to see the framing again once it's all said and done.
Step 2: Frame up a doorway panel.
Step 3: put some skin on that biatch!
Biatches love skin. In this case, the skin is 1/4" underlayment plywood. It's cheap and smooth and lightweight. Just like I like 'em.
With the skin glued and stapled in place, I use a router with a panel trim bit to cut the excess bit of skin off of the edges.
Step 4: rip some wiggle wood on the table saw.
Wiggle wood, also known as Curve-Ply, Flexply, Wacky Wood, is made out of veneers with the layers all running in one direction, this allows bend-ability to the panel and can be applied on a curved radius.
With a bit of care, you can bend it to fit some pretty tight corners.
Step 5: flip that doorway biatch!
Step 6: find middle on the wiggle wood strip.
That middle.
Step 7: glue and staple wiggle wood at points of tangency to give that doorway a little sci-fi shizz.
I started this process by stapling the middle of the wiggle wood strip to the middle of the doorway opening frame. Then pushed one side up against the side of the frame until it looked like the curve was about circular. Then I pinned it in place on that side. Then I measured from the corner to the point of tangency on the side. Then from the point of tangency to the end of the wiggle wood strip. Those two measurements were copied for the other side to ensure that, even if I didn't make a proper quarter of a circle, at least the sides would be symmetrical.
To keep the arch in place and keep me from waiting, I use CA glue to hold the wiggle wood to the skin underneath:
I can go back and staple the wiggle wood in place if I'm worried about extra strength, but it probably won't be neccessary.
I use a lot of this glue.
I'm off by about 1/32" here, but I won't tell anybody if you don't.
Most people with little wood won't show it to you, but I have no shame.
You want windows, so the people outside the store can see the people inside the store and feel all left out. Losers.
I'm smart like that.
I started this process by stapling the middle of the wiggle wood strip to the middle of the doorway opening frame. Then pushed one side up against the side of the frame until it looked like the curve was about circular. Then I pinned it in place on that side. Then I measured from the corner to the point of tangency on the side. Then from the point of tangency to the end of the wiggle wood strip. Those two measurements were copied for the other side to ensure that, even if I didn't make a proper quarter of a circle, at least the sides would be symmetrical.
To keep the arch in place and keep me from waiting, I use CA glue to hold the wiggle wood to the skin underneath:
I can go back and staple the wiggle wood in place if I'm worried about extra strength, but it probably won't be neccessary.
I use a lot of this glue.
Step 8: realize that you don't have any sheet stock the same thickness as the wiggle wood and trim the area below it with whatever bullshit you can find in the scrap bin.
Step 9: skin that biatch again.
Since people will see these panels from both sides, we don't get to leave the framing exposed.
Step 10: cut some little woods.
Most people with little wood won't show it to you, but I have no shame.
Step 11: frame you up a snazzy window-havin' panel.
You want windows, so the people outside the store can see the people inside the store and feel all left out. Losers.
Step 12: skin that biatch too.
Step 13: chase down Geri the asshole when he wanders out the gate.
Step 14: repeat steps 11 and 12 until you have enough window panels. In this case, two is enough.
Somewhere in there I realized that the little glue bottle I was using was holding me back from reaching my full potential. So I went to the cabinet and took out the big bottle. This, truly, is the glue bottle of the Gods...
Somewhere in there I realized that the little glue bottle I was using was holding me back from reaching my full potential. So I went to the cabinet and took out the big bottle. This, truly, is the glue bottle of the Gods...
Step 15: flip those muthafuggin windows panels!
It's time to make the window holes cooler looking and you can't do that with the skin in the way.
Step 16: rip some more bullshit on the table saw.
Step 17: use wiggle wood and tangency and bullshit and brawn and racetrack-shape them sunsabitches!
The window holes were made into racetrack shapes, the same way the top of the doorway was done. The main difference being that they were smaller and I had to round off the top and bottom ends.
This I did twice. On account of having two windows.
This I did twice. On account of having two windows.
I'm smart like that.
Step 18: skin. Biatches!
Step 19: put that business up on sawhorses because it'll prolly stay flat now and ow, my back and knees!
No idea why I didn't do this sooner. Maybe I'm not so bright after all.
Step 20: Dine!
Fuel for the fight! This is how we win.
Step 21: decide the wall should be tall and cut more woods.
Step 22: frame up skinny little window bastard.
Above the door there will be a big ole window with the store name stuck to it so folks can know what we're all about. Supposing them folks can read.
Step 23: skin that biatch with some leftover biatch skin scraps.
This panel was exactly the wrong size to be able to skin it on both sides with one sheet of plywood. So I opted instead to use whatever off-cuts we had handy and bondo over the ugly bits later.
Step 24: racetrack like a boss, you basterd!
By now I pretty much had this whole round-ended hole thing dialed.
Step 25: Skin sign panel side two with more bullshit.
Step 26: the top piece isn't as wide as the bottom three. So you have to frame up two even smaller basterds.
Idiot.
But really, the whole storefront would come out to ten feet wide. So making the upper section in three parts made them easy to pack and store and transport and handle and also meant the seams in the upper section would not align with the seams in the lower section. This makes for a sturdier finished piece. Like brickwork.
It'll be hard to paint the surface if there is no surface.
Step 27: skin them little basterd biatches.
It'll be hard to paint the surface if there is no surface.
Step 28: dinnertime for the puptards.
As long as there's a pause in productivity, don't forget to hydrate!
Step 29: stab a biatch.
Sometimes they're just asking for it.
Step 31: window Mofo!
Do the same for the other side:
I absolutely love this router bit. It does a great job of making you look like you really know what you're doing.
Step 32: do that window cutout thing with the doorway, mofo!
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
OH MY GOD, YEAH!
Repeat for the other side of the doorway.
Nobody is going to be satisfied if you only do it once.
At least that's been my experience.
Step 33: Upper window, Mofo!
Since there was a gap in middle of the skin on this piece, you don't have to stab it.
You can if you want to, it's just not necessary.
Step 34: Upper window, Mofo!
At this point, you are done making sawdust. Sweep the floor, you slob.
Step 35: stack the pieces, marvel at the progress, and dream up tomorrow's plan for completion.
So that was about five or six hours worth of work to design and build the storfront facade pieces.
A couple days later, the pieces got a quick pass with bondo and sanding to fill in the staple holes and cover the raw edges of the plywood inside the door and window holes:
We also covered over the ugly seams in the window panel, as promised.
'Cause around here, we keep our promises, dammit.
Once the bondo and sanding was done, the parts got a coat of primer. The plan was to do this outside, but then the rain said, "no. Not today. I don't think so."
So each piece was primed and then set up on sawhorses to dry.
Of course, I don't have room in the woodshop for each piece to get its own set of sawhorses, so they were all stacked on the same pair of sawhorses with a gap between them for airflow.
To keep them from tipping over and making me sad, I screwed a scrap of plywood to one end of them to they could lovingly support one another.
It took three coats of primer.
Before that, the wood was soaking up so much material that the color would never look right.
Once the primer was dry, the outside faces were painted a very light grey.
The last thing we had time for before we had to pack up and head to Neotropolis was to put the lettering on the sign window. Here's the vinyl lettering all cut out and weeded.
Here's the look in the middle of the transfer process.
And the final sign panel with all of the backing paper removed.
There's still a lot of improvement, but when you consider that the whole thing was designed, built, painted, and lettered up in less than ten total man-hours, I'm pretty happy with the end result.
Of course, I don't have room in the woodshop for each piece to get its own set of sawhorses, so they were all stacked on the same pair of sawhorses with a gap between them for airflow.
To keep them from tipping over and making me sad, I screwed a scrap of plywood to one end of them to they could lovingly support one another.
It took three coats of primer.
Before that, the wood was soaking up so much material that the color would never look right.
Once the primer was dry, the outside faces were painted a very light grey.
The last thing we had time for before we had to pack up and head to Neotropolis was to put the lettering on the sign window. Here's the vinyl lettering all cut out and weeded.
Here's the look in the middle of the transfer process.
And the final sign panel with all of the backing paper removed.
There's still a lot of improvement, but when you consider that the whole thing was designed, built, painted, and lettered up in less than ten total man-hours, I'm pretty happy with the end result.
Next year we'll be making some upgrades. But for now, we have wall.
Stay tuned...
