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I make toys for kids who don't want to grow up. I'm on the lookout for new projects. If you're interested in commissioning me to build something ridiculous, shoot me an email.

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

The Porn-O: a Sea Story

Back at the turn of the Millenium when I began my naval career I was assigned to an old Spruance-class destroyer in the 7th Fleet. It was a good, old ship with a strong, tight crew and things mostly went pretty smoothly.  But that was about to change.

I don't want to embarrass anyone in particular, so I'll call him "Captain Deed."

Captain Deed started his tour as our commanding officer as a relatively jovial guy who was clearly very excited about his shiny new assignment and optimistic about making his ship the best ship in the Navy.  He was a welcome relief after the previous skipper who was a whole different story.

Then one day we were copied on a set of personnel orders in our incoming messages.  A new Ensign was coming to us from the US Naval Academy and she would be arriving within about six months.

She.

For most of us this was no big deal.  Women had been in the Navy since long before I was born, serving on ships since before I could read and by 1998, Commander Maureen Farren had already become the first female commanding officer of a combatant vessel (the USS Mount Vernon, an amphibious assault ship).  So we'd have our first female shipmate on board.  Then probably start getting a bunch more of them.  Cool.

Captain Deed was not cool with it.  Apparently he was one of the increasingly rare naval officers who had never in his career served aboard a ship with a woman.  He had specifically aimed for command of an all male ship for fear of having to deal with girl problems.  He was unhappy.

The first thing he did was call the Bureau of Personnel to tell them they'd made a mistake.  "No Captain," says them, "you've made a mistake by calling us about this.  Your ship is being integrated.  There's nothing you can do about it.  It's time for you to catch up with the times."

This was not well received.

Having come up in the time of the Tailhook scandal and all manner of other nightmares, he was convinced that having a woman on his ship was going to end up getting him ensnared in some horrific sexual harassment crisis and end his career and ruin everyone else right along with him.  So he started having us all sit through sensitivity training and sexual harassment prevention training and so forth.

He also started conducting personal inspections of every single space on the ship to ensure we didn't have anything offensive visibly displayed that would trigger his ultimate downfall as soon as some girl saw it.  This sounds reasonable in theory, but it was insanely aggressive in execution.  So a month ago he would've walked by an explicit photo of a nude woman displayed on a bulkhead in one of the engineering workspaces and shrugged, but this week if someone had a copy of the Navy Times sitting on a desk showing a picture of a female sailor in uniform, he'd haul everyone in that crewman's chain of command into the space and yell at them about how this sort of material is unacceptable and we'll all burn for it if we have these sorts of things out where "she" can see them.

It was a little sad, but also really frustrating.

So one Friday evening in the midst of all of this, I met up for drinks at the officer's club with some of the other division officers.  One had brought his wife.  Her name was Sarah.  As would often happen when a bunch of us were decompressing at the end of another unpleasant week, we were talking about work.  This week that meant complaining about the Great Smut Crusade that had the Captain rampaging around the ship and screaming at people in nearly every workstation.

"I hadn't really thought about it," remarked Sarah, "but with 350 guys on the ship, there must be an awful lot of pornography stashed away."

"Sure," says I, "when Navy ships are designed, regulations require naval architects to allow for 1.2 long tons of porn per 100 sailors."

It was a joke, and the discussion got funnier from there.  As we continued to drink and joke about the porn on the ship, the joke took on a life of its own.  If you took the jokes to be true, the single largest space inside the ship is actually the porn library.  Everything is organized by Dewey Decimal System and being an older ship we have a card catalog to keep track of it all, but newer ships maintain a database for ease of browsing.

The comedy continued and one of the ship's junior officers is responsible for maintaining and cataloguing all of it.  The Pornography Officer, or "Porn-O" for short, was responsible for ensuring that items borrowed from the library were returned in a timely manner, properly sanitized, and re-filed for easy access.  Then there was discussion about what percentage of the ship's annual operating budget was allocated to replacing worn items and updating the library.

We had a lot of fun with it. Then went on to enjoy our weekend.

Fast forward to Monday morning.  This was back in my professional drinking days, so I was sitting in the Wardroom having breakfast and feeding a third cup of coffee to my mild hangover when Captain Deed walked in.

Usually we never saw him at breakfast when the ship was in port.  The only time he'd make a morning appearance in the Wardroom was when he wanted to gently announce some kind of policy change to the junior officers.  It was weird to see him and it was never good news.  Still, he made a big show of pouring himself a cup of coffee and casual small talk with those of us that were sitting at the table.

"By the way," says he, to let us know the thing he's here to say is next, "I don't want to know any of the details, but whoever is responsible for the illicit pornography library on board needs to get it off the ship by the close of business today."

All of us who were at the bar on Friday knew exactly what he was talking about.  We also knew there was no such thing.  It was a joke and I'm sure Sarah repeated some of it to one of the other officers' wives because it was hilarious.  Then, over the weekend, it percolated through the other officers wives until it got back to the Captain's wife and lost the funny along the way.  So we knew what he was talking about.  So it was even funnier now.  At least it was to me.

"Captain," says I, "can I call away a 15-man working party to my stateroom this afternoon for porn offload?"

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT," he snapped, "JUST GET IT GONE!"

"Aye, sir."

Then he stormed out of the room and when the door closed, we exploded laughing.  That poor guy is so worried about the specter of incoming womanhood that our stupid joke on Friday has snowballed into a major crisis on Monday.

Half an hour later I was working on some admin chores in my stateroom when there was a knock at the door.  I opened it to find the ship's Supply Officer holding a stack of half a dozen VHS tapes.

"These were in my room when I reported aboard," says he, "I heard we were supposed to give them to you."

What. The. Fuck.

"Alright," says I, "I'll take care of these for you."

So I put them in a locker and went back to work.

Five minutes later there was another knock at the door, this time it was one of the enlisted guys from the engine room with a stack of thoroughly dog-eared magazines.

"The Chief said to give these to you, sir."

Shit.

This continued all day.  By the time I was ready to go home, my little X-rated library had grown to several hundred magazines spanning at least three decades of porn history, a few dozen VHS tapes, and a couple of DVDs.  While I had no idea what to do with it, I certainly couldn't risk the possibility of it being found in my possession after this morning's talk.  It had to go.

I went down to the Supply Office and snagged the biggest cardboard box I could carry through the ship's narrow doorways.  Then I went back to my stateroom and filled it.  The pile of porn was so massive that I had to stick magazines in vertically around the edges to make higher walls to keep everything from spilling out.  It was all I could do to lift the thing and carry it by myself, but it was late and there wasn't much help around.

So I dragged the giant box with thirty years of orphaned lewdness down the length of officer's country, past the wardroom, and toward the quarterdeck so I could haul it down the gangway and off the ship.  Once I got to the door, I lifted the whole thing up and carefully started backing through the door.  Just as I stepped onto the quarterdeck, I heard the bells ringing on the 1MC (the ship's loudspeaker system) to announce the Captain was departing.

When I turned around, the man was standing there, looking directly at me.  Me holding a giant box carrying my own weight worth of weapons grade erotica.  For once, I was speechless.

"Is that all of it?" asked the Captain.

"I sure hope so, sir," says I.

"Good."

"Sir," asked me, "I don't suppose there's any way to convince you that I actually didn't know this was all on board before this morning, is there?"

"Just get it gone."

"Yessir."

So I took it all off of the ship right then and there.

Some of it was actually pretty good.




Sunday, July 11, 2021

July UFO Sightings in the Workshop

I try to make sure my blog articles have a complete payoff that includes a finished thing at the end of the write-up.  I'd hate to have someone sift through 3,000 words of me rambling about how I'm building a thing only to get to the end and not get to see the finished product.  I hate posting articles that end on cliffhangers like, "will the paint dry properly? Stay tuned" or, "did the mold rubber leak all over the floor?  Tune in next time." only to forget about it while I get distracted with the next project.

So as usual, I'm nearing the end of a handful of projects all at once and it's that time again where I feel ashamed for not keeping up with my bloggage.  Since I don't have a shiny new finished thing to show off, and have to resort to another show and tell featuring a scattered collection of just some of the UnFinished Objects flying around the workshop.  I assure you there will be more details about each of these sooner than later.

For now, here's what's keeping me from actually writing about what I'm doing in the shop:

Tusken Raider costume(s):

I've been wanting to build one of these for a while.  So I finally got a start on building two.  I started with some vacformed faceshields from studiocreations.com, added some 3D printed greebles that I downloaded here: LINK and then started the wrapping process:
Wrapping WIP

I've also picked up a small collection of appropriately coarse-looking fabric which I've custom dyed to my liking:
Dyeing Fabric

Somewhere in the shop is a cardboard box with assorted whatnot such as a few more leather bits, dyed cotton work gloves, most of a gaffi stick, and leather bandolier pouches.  Now all I need is a few more leather bits, a couple pairs of donor boots, and a solid day to focus on finishing the build.  Two if I want to make the rifle they carry.

Soon.

Heavy Infantry Mandalorian Blaster:

Over on the shelf covered with things taking too long, there's this beast:
Rough Casts Assembled

That's the first complete set of castings for Paz Vizla's heavy blaster as seen in the Mandalorian Chapter 3: The Sin.  I'm planning on making a few copies of this thing for friends, but the main body mold is a big, heavy bastard that I haven't felt like rolling around by hand.  The solution?  I've added wheels to the mold:
Blaster Body Mold Wheels

Now casting these monsters will be a breeze.

War Machine:

Also on the "taking too long" shelf, is this piece of work.  Back in 2015 I was on a pretty steady Ironman streak, making many of the different helmet variants, including this guy's helmet (LINK).  Then sometime in the tail end of 2016, my friend Jon asked if I wanted to collaborate so we could build the rest of the suit together.  The plan was for me to print or carve all of the prototype parts, then he'd prep and polish and mold everything, take the parts he needed, then give me the molds.  We both made progress at a tinkering pace for a little over a year, but we ran out of steam after making all of the leg parts, waist parts, arm parts, and pelvis parts.  This left me with the chest, back, and minigun parts to finish prepping and mold.

So the other day I decided this project has finally collected enough dust to be properly seasoned.  So I pulled it down and put in a few more minutes sanding and filling the surface.  Yay me:
WM Chest Armor Smoothing Round 34

Since I'm excited about it again and I've lost a few of the pieces I'd already made, it was time to print new and improved copies of the minigun and the mount parts:
WM Gatling Gun Mount WIP

Since I'm working with a 3D model that looks like it was intended for animation instead of fabrication, the geometry is an absolute mess.  The minigun body was riddled with self-intersections and open meshes and all sorts of problems that took the better part of a day to iron out before I could feed the model to the printer.  But now that I have those last few virtual pieces out in the real world, it's looking like this guy will finally be back on the road to finishing.

I'm hesitant to guess how soon I'll be able to make these last few molds for fear of jinxing the whole thing.

Fallout New Vegas NCR Ranger Costume:

A while back I decided to print out this guy's helmet on a whim:
NCR Ranger Helmet Awaiting Progress

Usually these would be the kinds of things that would get put into a box and forgotten relatively quickly, but for some reason this little hobby project has some staying power.  At this point, I've purchased the signature duster to go with it, sourced all of the ammo belts, pouches, and canteen, and even finished the chest armor:
NCR Ranger Elite Riot Armor Weathered

Now I just need to finish the big rifle to carry around and the tank pack that fits onto the back of the coat and it'll be a done thing.

Batman vs Superman Armored Batsuit:

This was another thing I started printing on a whim.  So far I like it:
Printed Helmet in Primer

To date I have the helmet mostly smooth and ready for paint, the chest armor is printed and assembled, and the shoulders are printed and awaiting printing.  Eventually the whole thing will get printed as I find idle time for the printers to finish the job.  But since I'm building it to fit someone five or seven inches taller than me, I'm not entirely in a hurry.

Agent Maine, aka "the Meta:"

This has been a bucket list project ever since he first appeared on screen in Season 6 of Red vs. Blue. The entire costume can mostly be pulled from molds I already had with the exception of his helmet which I made almost nine years ago (LINK) and some new shoulders and chest details.

The helmet suffered a catastrophic fall a few years back (you can see it hanging in the background of the photo below) and I decided I'd rather make a whole new one rather than repairing and repainting the old one.  Since I had to dust off the molds for another build, I went ahead and started pulling the parts to make the rest of this guy's armor:
Agent Maine Begins...  Again.

I also have vacforming bucks to make his signature weapon, the brute shot, and the custom shouldre bits.  In the course of digging out all of these old molds though, I found that there were a few that had deteriorated past the point of usefulness.  Chief among them was the lower leg armor.  So I stole one of the lower legs from an older suit and made a new mold.  Here's Rachel showing the early stages of tuning up the old shin for the new mold:
Mounting Shin for Molding

T-800 Terminator Endoskeleton:

Last, but not least, I've been in the process of making a resin cast Terminator endoskeleton in collaboration with my friend Jon.  He did most of the printing and prep work on the majority of the parts, leaving me to do one femur and the skull.

Here's the current state of the skull:
T-800 Endoskull Printing Progress

Originally I printed it a shade too small, so I'm 3/4 of the way to making a new, bigger, better version.
I've got a cup full of teeth somewhere too.  This is the way of things for me.

So be sure to stay tuned for the any minute now when I actually have a finished thing to share...

Monday, April 12, 2021

Kid's-Eye View of the Workshop

From time to time my nephew Lincoln stops by to visit in the shop.  He's four.

Most of the time he does a good job of keeping himself busy playing with a box of Star Wars action figures I've accumulated under one of the benches.  But when they stop being interesting, the questions start...

"What's that?"

"What movie was this guy in?"

"What does this thing do?"

"Can I wear that helmet?"

"Can I hold that gun?"

For a while it's charming, but sooner or later I have to find something else to entertain him.  Fortunately for me, I have a pretty sturdy little point and click digital camera that I keep in the shop to document projects.  So it's really easy to hand it to him and ask him to take pictures.  

The best ones happen when I just tell him I need him to get photos of all of the important things in the shop.  It's always fascinating to see what a small child does with instructions like that.  He does not disappoint.  The sum total of technical training he was given was "push this button to take a picture."  The rest of the magic was all his:

Lincoln Shop pic a4


So here's a few of my favorites out of the dozens of images he captured.  They haven't been altered in any way in order to maintain the artist's original intent as purely as possible.  I just had to be selective to make sure there wasn't any NDA material that showed up in the pictures.

Here's his impressionist image of the "noisy/dusty room" where my Carvewright CNCs, belt sander, and rotary tools live:
Lincoln Shop Pic 1

The rafters are full of all kinds of interesting things, but apparently none of them are as interesting as this cardboard Captain Phasma mask someone gave me a few years ago as a joke:
Lincoln Shop Pic 2

Tucked away in another corner is this box fan, one of the very few things that was worth focusing on:
Lincoln Shop Pic 3

In this corner is...  probably something cool behind his finger:
Lincoln Shop pic a3

This is a bucket seat, a padded lid to convert a standard 5-gallon bucket into a comfy stool:
Lincoln Shop Pic 4

Back to the rafters, in the middle of this pic you can almost make out the boxed set of Republic Commando action figures I consistently won't let him open and play with:
Lincoln Shop Pic 5

Then there's a couple more helmets he recognizes:
Lincoln Shop Pic 6

Back at eye level, here's some of the molds currently in use:
Lincoln Shop Pic 7

And another useful stool to forgo kneeling:
Lincoln Shop Pic 8

Also qualifying as "important things in the shop:" an unopened pack of Priority Mail boxes:
Lincoln Shop Pic 9

This picture was probably framed much differently, but it seems he got some unwanted help from Tiki the chocolate lab (aka "Moop the Spastic Dog Noodle"):
Lincoln Shop pic a2

Then there's this collection of vacformed parts and an empty Amazon box:
Lincoln Shop Pic 10

And another shot of molds because they're twice as important:
Lincoln Shop Pic 11


I think this is the view from the same spot, but in the opposite direction.  Maybe:
Lincoln Shop pic a1

So there it is, a few snapshots from the point of view of a four year old.  Good times.

Thursday, April 1, 2021

High-Speed Solution to Prepping Printed Plastic Parts for Paint

I don't tend to do video tutorials, but I've seen enough stupid #sandinghacks to convince me that there's a lot of amateurs out there teaching what they don't know how. Here's my high-speed, low-drag, fool-proof method for rapidly prepping printed parts for primer and paint:


Forgot to mention: this method will only work with ABS printed parts. The low melting point of PLA parts make them a bad idea in the clothes dryer and the higher pH value of the vegetable-based plastic counteracts the effects of the citric acid. Don't even ask me about PETG printed parts. If you insist on using PETG, you've got your own problems and I can't help you. Also, I need a damned haircut.

Friday, March 26, 2021

Quick and Easy Project of the Week: Jarnbjorn

Back in November, Do3D.com was having their Black Friday sale and offering deep discounts on all of their printable prop models.  While I already had a lot of things in the pipeline, the files were priced so cheap I couldn't resist the urge to stack up a bunch of things to keep the printers running during the idle time between more important projects. 

One of the models I got was their rendition of Jarnbjorn*, Thor's axe as depicted in the Sideshow Lady Thor statue:



Since I'd already made the comic book version of this costume (build details here: LINK) I figured I might as well add this one more prop weapon to the wall of potential armaments for her to carry.  The axe is pretty sexy on its own:


Considering the steady stream of rayguns and robot parts I've been making, it would be nice to do something a little more analog for a change.  Plus, I have a stark shortage of melee weapons on the big wall of prop weapons.  This beast was just what the doctor ordered.

The modelers at Do3D did a pretty good job of translating that sculpt into the digital realm:

Jarnbjorn Model by Do3D


Printing the Head:

The head of the axe was way too big to print in one piece.  Instead, over the course of a few days, my fleet of Zortrax M200 3D printers grew the head as a series of separate chunks.  Here's the digital layout showing one of the first pieces set up in the Zortrax software:

Jarnbjorn Print Setup in Zortrax Software

After printing six or seven such chunks and gluing them together with copious amounts of CA glue, I started adding primer and had the printed head mostly done:

Printed Head During Smoothing

Printed with about 30% infill, the head of the axe was a good compromise between strength and weight.  A carefully balanced notion of low cost and durability.  That's all well and good since I would not likely be using it to cleave the heads of dark elves invading the nine realms. 

Making the Handle:


If the handle was going to be 3D printed as well, it would need some kind of reinforcement to keep it from breaking whenever someone gets overzealous about brandishing it.

So what to use for handle reinforcement?  After noodling over a few options for printing it hollow and filling it with resin or fitting it with a metal rod or wooden dowel, I started thinking of all of the additional work I'd need to do in order to smooth out the print lines.  Then I'd still have to prime, prep, and paint on a convincing wooden finish.  Then I'd have to pick out all of the leather parts and paint them to look the part as well.  In the end I decided that there was no really good reason to print the handle at all.  I would do something different.  Something new.  Something completely revolutionary.

I would build a wood-looking axe handle from scratch.  Out of wood.

I know, I know.  It sounds crazy, but I actually had all of the necessary technology close at hand.  My friend Mark works at a mill that makes custom trim and molding for home restoration contractors.  I asked him to keep an eye out for a suitable scrap of something pretty-ish.  He managed to find me a six foot piece of cedar 4x6 that would do nicely.

To make my initial cut for the shape of the handle, I printed out a side view of the 3D model scaled up to lifesize.  Then I laid it out and traced it onto the big ass cedar plank:

Handle layout


Because I'm lazy and the bandsaw was in a whole different building, I made the initial cut with a jigsaw instead.  This meant that I had to make the cut on both sides and I ended up with an understandably ugly edge:
Handle Rough Shaping

I did the initial rough shaping the end of the handle with a rasp and a knife.  Eventually it was a good fit for the head of the axe:
Tiki and Axe Head

My plan had originally been to round out and taper the handle with a spokeshave or a draw knife.  But digging through my father's odd assortment of antique woodworking tools, they turned out to be a bit rusty and way overdue for a sharpening:

Dad's Spokeshaves

Since I really wasn't in a sharpening and stropping mood, and because the open grain of the soft cedar wood would make it a tricky proposal at best, I opted to skip the spokeshaves.  Instead, I did more rough shaping with a rasp and a drywall knife.  This is the decision of some sort of deranged person, but it was late and I was on a roll.

When I was pretty happy with the overall proportions, I did the final rounding and smoothing on the flat and the round end of my trusty bench mounted belt sander:
Belt Sander
If you need that same warning label for some piece of your equipment, you can find your own here: https://amzn.to/2XlOmUj

I'm pretty happy with the results.  Wood is pretty:
Rounding Begins

The next day my nephew stopped by the shop.  He was pretty happy with the results too:
Nephew Test Fitting Axe

After sanding the handle down to 220-grit, it looked about like so:
Natural Grain

Of course, the handle of Jarnbjorn shouldn't look like a buttery soft chunk of cedar.  Instead it should look like it was hewn from something mightier than oak by dwarven forgemasters of Nidavellir  over a thousand years ago.  Fortunately, Minwax makes that exact color:
First Stain Pass

Once the stain was set, I went ahead and laid on a few coats of satin polyurethane finish to even out the sheen and toughen up the surface of the handle.

With the shape, shade, and sheen all figured out, it was time to start adding the remaining details.  I started with the faux iron rings.  These began as strips of scrap ABS plastic I had laying around:
Handle Rings

Each strip was pre-bent to help it sit properly in place:
Handle Rings

Once they were fitted, the excess length was trimmed off;
Handle Rings

They were glued in place as well as nailed with furniture tacks:
Handle Rings

The final detail was a styrene half round fitted along each edge:
Handle Bands Progress

At this point, the whole thing was really starting to look the part:
Handle Bands Progress

The metal rings were painted with a few coats of hammered metallic silver paint:
Hammered silver metallic basecoat

Silver Bands

Once the paint had dried, it was time to take off the masking tape and get to the leather parts.

Fortunately, I tend to have sacks of leather scraps kicking around in storage for no particular reason.  For the grip section between the iron rings, I used a soft, black buckskin leather like so:

Leather wraps

For the brown binding, I had a strip of thicker cowhide that looked to be the right color:

Leather wraps

And lo, the handle was maked:20210225_154504


Painting the Head:

Meanwhile, the head still looked like a 3D printed, chintzy piece of crap. After a few coats of primer, I gave it a cheap coat of rattlecan silver and instantly regretted it:ugly silver head

Still, I figured maybe I'd like it better once I'd picked out the inlay details in gold:
Ready to Weather

Still not loving it, I gave the whole thing a blackwash:
blackwash progress

I guess it was a bit better:
Blackwash Completed

The other nephew thought it was cool:
Sizing Test

But still, I felt it needed to be better looking.  That may be due in part to the fact that I've been messing around with a lot of stuff like this:
Alumaluster Mythosaur Skull Wall Hanging

While Jarnbjorn wasn't especially shiny in the statue, I couldn't shake the notion that this was supposed to be an axe wielded by a god, forged by the mythical master weaponsmiths of Asgard and blessed with the blood of Thor himself.  It shouldn't look quite so shabby.  

So I went ahead and stripped off the paint, sanded everything down to 600 grit, and gave it a nice glossy coat of black:
Repainting Jarnbjorn Head Gloss Black

Once that was done curing, I dusted on a nice, shiny coat of Alumaluster:
Jarnbjorn Head in Alumaluster

A little while later I was working on an unrelated project that needed some gold candy coat.  So once those parts were sprayed, I broke out a brush to pick out the inlay by hand:
Repainting Alumaluster with Gold Candycoat

Then the whole thing got a couple coats of automotive clearcoat and finally, when the axe head was installed on the handle, it was given another blackwash to take just a bit of the shine off of it and give it the look of a relic worthy of a place of honor in the armory of Asgard:

Oil Based blackwash

Ragging off

Blade finished

In this case, the black was a flat black oil-based paint and the thinning and wiping was done with mineral spirits.  This isn't an option with normal hardware store spraypaint because the thinner is likely to mess up the finish, but the automotive urethane clearcoat is stable enough to be unmarred when the thinner is wiped off with a rag.  The end result is a nice, durable finish that won't rub off quite as easy as an acrylic blackwash.  It makes me happy:
Jarnbjorn Done!

So then the fully-finished thing of beauty sat on the shelf for a minute waiting for a clear, sunny day so I could get some photos of it in natural light.  That proved problematic:
Jarnbjorn Finished003

One of these days I'll get the Lady Shawnon dressed up in the Thor costume and do another location shoot.  In the meantime, here's Jarnbjorn in all it's glory:
Jarnbjorn Finished002

Jarnbjorn Finished001

It's still a bit tricky to find a "natural" backdrop that showcases all of the different colors and textures:
Jarnbjorn Finished004

But having taken a few photos, it was time to test it out:
Jarnbjorn Finished005

The Lady Shawnon tried it out too:
Jarnbjorn Finished006

Before anybody gets too excited about us abusing my poor dog Leeloo, know that she wasn't even the least bit frightened and the only way to get her to run for these staged photos was to kick a ball for her to chase.  You can see the ball in this failed attempt:
Jarnbjorn Finished010

And when it was all said and done, she remained perfectly happy and healthy:
Jarnbjorn Finished009

Jarnbjorn, meanwhile, will rest amongst the pile of recently finished things until I find a better place to display it:
Jarnbjorn Finished007

FINIS


*In Old Norse, "Járnbjǫrn" means "Iron Bear."  Now that's a thing you know.