The Tale of Trid

As Told by Shawn Thorsson:

Long ago there was a village named Trid. The Village of Trid sat on the shores of Lake Trid, in the Valley of Trid, at the foot of Mount Trid. The Triddish people worshipped Mount Trid. It was the largest thing that any of the Trids had ever seen or would ever see. They built the Trid temple from the stone of Mount Trid. They used the passage of it's shadow to mark Trid time. To honor the mountain they named everything Trid, including themselves. They even used it's snowmelt runoff to make the local thirst quencher, Trid-ade.

One day the people of Trid in the village of Trid on the shore of Lake Trid in the Valley of Trid at the foot of Mount Trid woke to find that the sun would not shine. This was a dark and ominous day. The Trids had never seen anything like it. So they gathered at the Trid Temple for a meeting of the Trid council. After much discussion, the Trids reached a unanimous decision to send their wisest men to the top of Mount Trid to find out why the sun no longer shined.

The next morning (or as close as they could guess without the sun) the Trid wise men set out. They hiked for several long and arduous hours up the long and winding trail to the summit of Mount Trid. There, perched directly atop the very pinnacle of Mount Trid, was a giant. He was so massive that he actually blocked the sun throughout the entire Valley of Trid.

The wise men were taken aback. They had never encountered a giant before, but they knew that they could not allow him to continue blocking the sun. After a brief Trid huddle, they approached the giant to politely ask him to perch on the pinnacle of another mountain.

The wisest of the wise men spoke first.

"Excuse me, sir," he said, as wisely as he could manage.

The giant glanced down and saw the wise men. He smiled benignly, picked them all up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain.

The Trid wise men tumbled down the side of the Mount Trid for almost an hour before splashing into Lake Trid. When they came thrashing to the surface the were completely shocked. After another brief Trid huddle, they were in complete agreement.

They had never had so much fun in their Trid lives.

The Trid wise men swam to the shore of Lake Trid, shook themselves dry, and ran to the top of Mount Trid. As soon as he spotted them, the giant smiled benignly, picked them all up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain.

The Trid wise men continued to run back up Mount Trid to get kicked into Lake Trid for days. This was the best Trid fun they had ever had.

Meanwhile, the Trids in the Village of Trid grew worried. Four days after they had sent the Trid wise men to the top of Mount Trid to find out why there was no sun in the Valley of Trid there was still no word. The Trid council convened again and decided that they must send their brave Trid Warriors to discover the fate of the Trid wise men.

The next morning (or as close as they could guess without the sun) the Trid Warriors set out. They hiked for several long and arduous hours up the long and winding trail to the summit of Mount Trid where, just as the Trid wise men had found, perched directly atop the very pinnacle of Mount Trid, was a giant. They stopped short to observe the great brute. In the middle of a brief Trid huddle to discuss exactly how to attack the giant, they saw the Trid wise men run to the giant. They watched in awe as the giant smiled benignly, picked them all up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain.

This was too much for the Trid Warriors to tolerate. They rushed from their hiding places determined to slay the giant for kicking the Trid wise men. The giant glanced down and saw the Trid Warriors. He smiled benignly, picked them all up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain.

The Trid Warriors and the Trid wise men tumbled down the side of the Mount Trid for almost an hour before splashing into Lake Trid. The Trid Warriors were amazed to find out that they loved it too and joined the Trid wise men in the mad dash to the shores of Lake Trid and the sprint to the peak of Mount Trid.

Meanwhile, the Trids in the Village of Trid grew worried. Four days after they had sent the brave Trid Warriors to the top of Mount Trid to discover the fate of the Trid wise men who went to the top of Mount Trid to find out why there was no sun in the Valley of Trid there was still no word. The Trid council convened again and decided that they must send every able-bodied Trid to rescue the Trid Warriors and the Trid wise men.

The next morning (or as close as they could guess without the sun) the Trids set out. They hiked for several long and arduous hours up the long and winding trail to the summit of Mount Trid where, just as the Trid wise men and Trid Warriors had found, perched directly atop the very pinnacle of Mount Trid, was a giant. They stopped short to observe the great brute. In the middle of a brief Trid huddle to discuss exactly what to do about the giant, they saw the Trid wise men and Trid Warriors run to the giant. They watched in awe as the giant smiled benignly, picked them all up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain.

Then the giant noticed the rest of the Trids standing there. The giant smiled benignly, picked them all up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain.

The Trid Warriors and the Trid wise men and all of the rest of the Trids tumbled down the side of the Mount Trid for almost an hour before splashing into Lake Trid. The Trids were amazed to find out that it was so much fun and formed a line from the shore of Lake Trid to the peak of Mount Trid where one by one the giant looked at them, smiled benignly, picked them up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kicked them down the side of the mountain. It was the happiest time in Trid history.

Meanwhile, the Village of Trid was deserted. Every Trid had disappeared with the exception of the Rabbi. The only thing the Rabbi knew of the fate of the Trids was that they had gone up to the peak of Mount Trid never to return. The Rabbi summoned all of his courage and set out to discover the fate of his Trid flock.

When he got to the foot of Mount Trid, he found a line of Trids that stretched from the shore of Lake Trid all the way to the peak. When the Trids told him how much fun they were having, the Rabbi decided to get in the line too. He waited for ten hours, all the while watching Trids tumble past him down the side of Mount Trid and splash into Lake Trid. He was overwhelmed with excitement when he finally reached the peak of Mount Trid and saw the giant. He watched as each of the Trids would step up to the giant one at a time. The giant would look at them, smile benignly, pick them up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kick them down the side of the mountain.

But when at last the Rabbi stepped up to be kicked by the giant, the giant looked at him, shook his head benignly, picked him up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly set him aside.

The Rabbi was stunned. He assumed he had done something wrong, but he couldn't decide what it was. So he went back to the end of the line. He waited for ten hours, all the while watching Trids tumble past him down the side of Mount Trid and splash into Lake Trid. When he reached the peak again, he watched as each of the Trids would step up to the giant one at a time. The giant would look at them, smile benignly, kick them up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kick them down the side of the mountain. There seemed to be no special protocol that allowed the Trids to be kicked.

But when at last the Rabbi stepped up to be kicked by the giant, the giant looked at him, shook his head benignly, picked him up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly set him aside.

Now the Rabbi was angry. He had done everything just like every one of the Trids had done, and the giant simply refused to kick him. So he went back to the end of the line. He waited for ten hours, all the while watching Trids tumble past him down the side of Mount Trid and splash into Lake Trid. When he reached the peak again, he watched as each of the Trids would step up to the giant one at a time. The giant would look at them, smile benignly, pick them up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly drop-kick them down the side of the mountain.

But when at last the Rabbi stepped up to be kicked by the giant, the giant looked at him, shook his head benignly, picked him up gingerly in his great left hand, and then lovingly set him aside.

The Rabbi had had enough.

"That's it!" shouted the Rabbi, "I've waited in this line three times now and I've seen you kick all of the Trids down the side of the mountain. I've been very patient, but now I demand to know why you won't kick me."

The giant looked at him, shook his head benignly, and said simply:

"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."